“So are you a top or a bottom?” I set my Sam Adams down and tried not to choke on the swig of beer lodged in my throat. In the middle of Rachel’s birthday party, we sat on her loveseat in her den and talked privately as the party blared on in the next room. I had just been lured into sex talk with a savvy straight classmate, who knew all the right questions to ask.
As this was my third Sam Adams, I lost my ability to edit. “Total bottom, here”, I replied, with a devilish smile. “So you like to get fucked?” “Uh-huh, big time”, I continued to fill out her oral questionnaire. “So tell me”, she pressed on relentlessly, in her Alabama accent, “what is the kinkiest part or hottest part of your sex life with guys?” My mind darted back and forth, searching for searching for a polite, quick answer. Mud-wrestling? Leather chaps? Lassie? No. She was probing for something genuine and real. So I dropped my guard. “I like to get barebacked”. Oh boy, I skated right into the danger zone – too late now. “You mean being fucked without a condom? Why?” Here comes the safe sex lecture. “Well, I guess I like it when a guy cums inside me. Insemination feels like a meaningful part of the connection you have with a guy”. I knew better – this wasn’t going to fend her off, but she wanted honesty, and I sure just served it up.
She smiled at me, put her hand on my knee and said, “Oh my gaaawd, I know how you feel. I used to think it was gross, but now I love it when my boyfriends cum inside me during intercourse”. Ok, so Alabama girl is kinkier than I thought. “You let your boyfriends cum inside you, without a condom?” I volleyed back to her, grateful to take the spotlight off me for a minute. Rachel explained that she’d been on the pill since she was 17, and inevitably, her boyfriends all get around to asking her if they can skip the condom, since she’s on the pill. Sometimes she relented, sometimes she didn’t. Her current boyfriend is some tightly-wound (but hot) ROTC dude that I’ve met a few times. Rachel confided that ROTC dude told her, on their third date, that he didn’t believe in condoms, and that a guy cumming inside a girl is a natural part of sex, and that natural intercourse was important to him. “And you let him do it? Did you enjoy it?” I asked, now genuinely curious about a straight woman’s perspective. “Well, I was a little squeamish at first, but I wanted to please him and soon enough, it just felt like the right way to have sex with him.” I feel that way too, I told her.
The conversation picked up a bit, in pace and emotion. She told me about weighing the risks of STDs and pregnancy, especially because ROTC man is very fertile, apparently. I shared my internal debates about being HIV negative and knowing the risks of taking loads in my ass. Rachel sighed, “Yeah, well I can know the risks, but I weigh it against the pleasure it brings him and the special connection I feel with him as I open myself to his sperm.” I was amazed, I couldn’t have said it any better. That is why I bareback or at least one big reason. I want a guy to share himself with me fully, to not hold back, and to mark me as his. Risk is part of life, and so is connection.
By the team we reached the bottom of our drink glasses, the banter had become pretty vivid. Rachel told me that she brings an extra pair of panties with her when ROTC dude spends the night, because she drips the next day. I let on that I used to sit in our Sociology class on September mornings, the sperm running down my jeans, having arrived in class not 20 minutes after a policeman neighbor of mine would come over and pump his morning load inside me on his way to work. Rachel was loving it. “So what about Tony?” (A teaching assistant from Buenos Aires that we’re both hot for.) “Would you let him cum in you?” she asked. “Hell yes”, I replied, faking an Alabaman twang. “As deep as he could shoot it inside me.” She cackled. “Get in line, honey, and I think he’s straight”.
I mulled over a catty comeback, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door. It was ROTC dude. “Rachel, honey, let’s wind the party down. I want to get some sleep.” I bet you do, Mr. ROTC sperm planter. Maybe it was the beer, but I drifted into reverie for a minute, fantasizing about a boyfriend of my own who didn’t fetishize barebacking and wasn’t hung up on it. He just accepted it as part of his otherwise normal life, and expected it from me. And wasn’t shy about enjoying it. Yeah.
I kissed Rachel goodnight, and happy birthday, and happy turkey day. And I went home fantasizing about Rachel’s insemination that Monday night, but mostly savoring the most unexpected connection of learning that a woman too shares my deepest desires.
As this was my third Sam Adams, I lost my ability to edit. “Total bottom, here”, I replied, with a devilish smile. “So you like to get fucked?” “Uh-huh, big time”, I continued to fill out her oral questionnaire. “So tell me”, she pressed on relentlessly, in her Alabama accent, “what is the kinkiest part or hottest part of your sex life with guys?” My mind darted back and forth, searching for searching for a polite, quick answer. Mud-wrestling? Leather chaps? Lassie? No. She was probing for something genuine and real. So I dropped my guard. “I like to get barebacked”. Oh boy, I skated right into the danger zone – too late now. “You mean being fucked without a condom? Why?” Here comes the safe sex lecture. “Well, I guess I like it when a guy cums inside me. Insemination feels like a meaningful part of the connection you have with a guy”. I knew better – this wasn’t going to fend her off, but she wanted honesty, and I sure just served it up.
She smiled at me, put her hand on my knee and said, “Oh my gaaawd, I know how you feel. I used to think it was gross, but now I love it when my boyfriends cum inside me during intercourse”. Ok, so Alabama girl is kinkier than I thought. “You let your boyfriends cum inside you, without a condom?” I volleyed back to her, grateful to take the spotlight off me for a minute. Rachel explained that she’d been on the pill since she was 17, and inevitably, her boyfriends all get around to asking her if they can skip the condom, since she’s on the pill. Sometimes she relented, sometimes she didn’t. Her current boyfriend is some tightly-wound (but hot) ROTC dude that I’ve met a few times. Rachel confided that ROTC dude told her, on their third date, that he didn’t believe in condoms, and that a guy cumming inside a girl is a natural part of sex, and that natural intercourse was important to him. “And you let him do it? Did you enjoy it?” I asked, now genuinely curious about a straight woman’s perspective. “Well, I was a little squeamish at first, but I wanted to please him and soon enough, it just felt like the right way to have sex with him.” I feel that way too, I told her.
The conversation picked up a bit, in pace and emotion. She told me about weighing the risks of STDs and pregnancy, especially because ROTC man is very fertile, apparently. I shared my internal debates about being HIV negative and knowing the risks of taking loads in my ass. Rachel sighed, “Yeah, well I can know the risks, but I weigh it against the pleasure it brings him and the special connection I feel with him as I open myself to his sperm.” I was amazed, I couldn’t have said it any better. That is why I bareback or at least one big reason. I want a guy to share himself with me fully, to not hold back, and to mark me as his. Risk is part of life, and so is connection.
By the team we reached the bottom of our drink glasses, the banter had become pretty vivid. Rachel told me that she brings an extra pair of panties with her when ROTC dude spends the night, because she drips the next day. I let on that I used to sit in our Sociology class on September mornings, the sperm running down my jeans, having arrived in class not 20 minutes after a policeman neighbor of mine would come over and pump his morning load inside me on his way to work. Rachel was loving it. “So what about Tony?” (A teaching assistant from Buenos Aires that we’re both hot for.) “Would you let him cum in you?” she asked. “Hell yes”, I replied, faking an Alabaman twang. “As deep as he could shoot it inside me.” She cackled. “Get in line, honey, and I think he’s straight”.
I mulled over a catty comeback, only to be interrupted by a knock on the door. It was ROTC dude. “Rachel, honey, let’s wind the party down. I want to get some sleep.” I bet you do, Mr. ROTC sperm planter. Maybe it was the beer, but I drifted into reverie for a minute, fantasizing about a boyfriend of my own who didn’t fetishize barebacking and wasn’t hung up on it. He just accepted it as part of his otherwise normal life, and expected it from me. And wasn’t shy about enjoying it. Yeah.
I kissed Rachel goodnight, and happy birthday, and happy turkey day. And I went home fantasizing about Rachel’s insemination that Monday night, but mostly savoring the most unexpected connection of learning that a woman too shares my deepest desires.
4 comments:
I totally know where ur coming from.
The 1st few times I ever had sex it was bareback, I loved it and it wasn't with guys who had to bareback, because that's what they're into. It was because things just happened that way.
The best sex I ever had, was with my ex Bobby. He barebacked and inseminated me. The 1st time we ever had sex (the story is in my blog). We didn't have condoms, but at the time we just needed to have sex. After that it seemed natural to continue having bareback sex.
I ocassionally miss those days of being inseminated, because it was natural and intimate. Instead of sleazy and horny. Don't get me wrong I love having a guy cum inside me (like urself I'm aware of the risks).
But I would rather a guy came in me, because he needed to - to be close to me. Not simply because they don't want to wear a condom or some other dumb fetish.
I love bareback in all it's forms. Intimate and sleazy, we all need a little sleaze and kink sometimes, right! But am looking forward to scoring another boyfriend, who'll cum in me - to make/maintain a connection.
I understand that, SMC. Your history with Bobby parallels mine with Justin. The first time I ever had sex was at 15 with Justin, and he fucked me bareback me and came inside me. He didn't talk about it, or make me feel dirty for it, he just did it. Everything was so new then, it was hard to sort out what was normal, and what was Justin's preference in sex.
I remember talking to Justin once, when I turned 17, about how messy he left me and if he should cum somewhere else, like in a towel. He seemed genuinely surprised. Justin said that what gave him the most pleasure was being able to inseminate me, and that it is natural for young guys to take sperm inside them during sex, so I shouldn't be ashamed of it at all. It was only later than I realized that not every guy believes the same, but by then, it just seemed like what everyone did - no big deal.
At your age you probably feel indestructible, but you are not. I hope you reconsider your decisions. When I was 19, I thought I knew everything, and now that I'm 35 I'm very certain that I don't, and I sure as hell didn't when I was 19. There are a lot of comments here giving encouragement to you, but no one seems to be talking about how sexy and fun it is to have HIV. You might want to think about that.
Getting fucked by someone wearing a condom is pleasurable. Don't keep doing something stupid and unsafe just because "that's the way I've been doing it since I started, when I didn't know any better." Well, you know better now, don't you?
Brandon, how cool and opening to have such an unexpected conversation with a str8 woman. From her end, she not only has to consider the STD issues, but the don't-get-me-knocked-up issue.
I understand your point. I also understand SMC's perspective. And as you, I also understand DavisMcDavis' perspective. Living with a chronic (and potentially aggressive) dis-ease is no fun. I love ur blog bcos you are just frank and raw and write in a way that would arrest Hemingway in his tracks. BUT, I feel personally connected to you now... and want the best in this life for you. I'm not your mother. Neither am I God. But considering the District's high HIV rate, just be careful. Perhaps ask your partners about their status... or get to know a # of them that you knoe (for a fact are neg). And if they are poz, there is always a condom.
I guess what I want to say is that once upon a time, we thought that the world was flat. Then, we found out otherwise. Your first experience with sex was bare- and it was hot. But that doesn't mean that you can't be aroused and can't find connection with a man in other ways. Just a thought.
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